Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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