if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
