Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
