DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
