Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk is not a location!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
