Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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