By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
