if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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