I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
