If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
