I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
