I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
