really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's not cheating when I paid for it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
