a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
