Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
