Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
