were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
