Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
