Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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