He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
