The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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