I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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