You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ketchup is God's man juice
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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