I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
