im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
