you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
