I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
