You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
