Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
