Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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