i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
