so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
