What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
