Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
