in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
