We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
