he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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