glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
