I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
