my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
