I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
