I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
