Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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