saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
