Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
