38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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