dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
