i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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