sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
