made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
