So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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