yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize