How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
