After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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